before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
