a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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