I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
