and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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