bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Randomize
