My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
