I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Where is the hickey?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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