I wanna passion pit in your ass
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?