I want to have your abortion
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
