He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
