The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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