Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
