Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
