But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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