then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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