i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
wow bdsm is so cute
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
