I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
