Swine flu. Run for my life!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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