Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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