why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
