i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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