sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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