don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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