Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
