when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
