I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Buhtt sex?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
