I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
