I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
