Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
