I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
