Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
