i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
