I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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