i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
