Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
