I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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