I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize