I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
