Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
