The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
