remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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