She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
