I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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