Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
