He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
