So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
