Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
