i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
