Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
