I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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