All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
