sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
