Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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