I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
