Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
