TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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