Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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