Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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