did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
