Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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