We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i would punch a child for taco bell
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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