I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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